My life

Gather ye rosebuds ♥

August 6, 2015

Wow. I am terrible at finishing my posts.

The few drafts that I’ve actually published are incomplete at best and barely substantial–at least from what I’ve outlined in my mind.

Much like my blog posts and unpublished drafts, a lot of my personal projects, hobbies, and ambitions start off with a bang then fizzle out like a dying ember holding on for dear life. As time passes, games go unfinished or even untouched, songs are not completely learned, crafts lie unfinished, new skills are not mastered, workouts get placed on the back burner, and so on.

As I looked at all my unfinished personal projects, I began to wonder why I can never finish what I start. Have I become a quitter? I was terrified by this idea. After reflecting on this, I realized I wasn’t quitting these projects because they were difficult to endure or anything like that; I was always putting my hobbies and interests last and as a result, almost everything else in my life trumped it. I didn’t mind too much as I feel that putting my family and work/education first is important. Investing in the security of my future is important to me, but not necessarily fun. However, in my mind, having fun = being selfish. Every time I did something for me, I felt guilty! 🙁

Don’t get me wrong–spending time with Trin and teaching him new things is amazing. I also love what I do at work, and consider myself a lifelong-learner so education is always interesting. There’s just something  that’s missing when you don’t get to fully pursue your side interests and hobbies, however silly or time-wasting it may be. So from now, I promise myself to try to partake in more of what I want to do, and let up on things that are still kind of important (read: work), aren’t vital to my happiness.

Here are a list of things I neglect but want to focus on more:

  • Play more piano
    This is a no-brainer as I have just purchased a gorgeous, brand new acoustic Yamaha piano. It bore a hefty price tag of about $4,000 so I should make the most of it. I also want to be more musical overall, as I haven’t made much time to dedicate to playing and listening to music. I had to give ALL my musical instruments to a friend for payment a few years back (I accidentally hit a fire hydrant with his car, whoops!). Since then, I haven’t had the luxury of spending time and money on instruments. I have a guitar now but it’s gathering dust. Time to change that!
  • Focus on fitness
    Prior to giving birth to my beautiful baby boy, I was ranging between an untoned 110 – 115lbs, not because I was fit but because I just didn’t eat. Even at the full term of my pregnancy, I was at 135lbs. I maintained an average of 125lbs after then, but even another 25lbs later, I have yet to solidly commit to working on myself. I just feel so selfish with my time if I workout while Trin is home, and the best workout times I’ve discovered are during lunch hours at work. BUT because I’ve been putting my work first, I’ve been skipping out on my lunch gym sessions. I need to realize that I’m not abandoning my work; it will be there when I get back.
  • Have more outdoorsy adventures
    I enjoy outdoor activities for two main reasons: 1) to enjoy spectacular views of nature that our tiny island offers, and 2) because it’s exercise and tanning deviously rolled into a fun activity.
  • Blog consistently
    I’m more of a reader than a writer. I’d rather lurk than to expose myself. I am also, to some extent, a perfectionist, and I hate my writing. If this was to be graded in college or submitted to by boss, I’d absolutely die. Anyway, I often have many passing thoughts that I feel are worth elaborating on (this is supposed to be a career/business blog ?). However, my ideas get muddled easily. I find that blogging allows me to focus my thoughts in a coherent manner that I can revisit later. I feel I’m affected by a plague that Lil’ Wayne so eloquently explains, “Like the menstrual, I leak on the sheet of the tablet in my mind. I don’t write shit ‘cuz I ain’t got time.”

There are also some things that I once loved doing that I’ve made a non-resolute decision to slow down on:

  • Video games
    From as young as I can remember up to my early college years, I played the shit out of tons of games. I’ve poured hours and thousands of dollars on the vidya, and while I don’t exactly regret it, I think it’s time to put more time into more meaningful (to me) time-killers. I can always reminisce about past games played and live vicariously through Trin.
  • Baking/cooking
    I used to experiment with baking and cooking a lot, especially if I failed at it. I would keep trying until I got it mouth-watering and picture-perfect. I’m not sure why, but I’m just not as interested in food as I once was.
  • Watching TV/browsing the Internet/perusing social media
    I think for the most part, I already stopped.

To conclude, here is a stanza I love that is relevant to the central theme of this post:

Gather ye rosebud while ye may,
Old Time is still a-flying;
And this same flower that smiles today,
Tomorrow will be dying.

 

And did I really just quote Lil’ Wayne and Robert Herrick in the same blog post? Fuck yeah, I did.

Gather ye rosebuds, yo. ?

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